Comparative
Analysis of World Religious (and other)
Philosophies
1.
Taoism:
Shit Happens
2.
Confucianism:
Confucius say, "Shit Happens"
3.
Buddhism:
If Shit Happens, it isn't really Shit
4.
Zen
(Rinzai): What is the sound of Shit
Happening?
5.
Zen
(Soto): Shit just Happens
6.
Hinduism:
This Shit Happened before
7.
Sikhism:
Leave our Shit alone
8.
Jainism:
Don't accidentally swallow flies and Shit
9.
Islam:
If Shit Happens, it is the will of Allah
10.
Nation
of Islam: Don't take no Shit!
11.
Hare
Krishna: Shit Happens, Shit
Happens, Rama Rama *ding ding*
12.
Agnosticism:
Does Shit Happen?
13.
Atheism:
No Shit!
14.
Catholicism:
Shit Happens because you are BAD
15.
Protestantism:
Catholics are full of Shit
16.
Methodism:
Let Shit Happen to somebody else
17.
Calvinism:
Shit Happens because you don't work hard enough
18.
Presbyterianism:
This Shit was bound to Happen
19.
Episcopalianism:
If Shit Happens, hold a procession
20.
Lutheranism:
Shit Happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK
21.
Anglicanism:
Shit Happens, but only to Lutherans
22.
Mormonism:
Excrement Occurs
23.
Baptist:
You're Shitting all wrong, and you're going to hell for it, too
24.
Pentacostal:
Praise the Shit!
25.
Christian
Science: Shit is all in your mind
26.
Existentialism:
What is Shit anyway?
27.
Hedonism:
There's nothing like a good Shit Happening
28.
Dadaism:
Bathtub full of power tools
29.
Jehovah's
Witness: Knock knock. Shit Happens!
30.
Televangelism:
Your tax-deductable donation can prevent this Shit from Happening
31.
Fundamentalism:
There's no Shit in the Bible
32.
Creationism:
Shit has only been Happening since October 23rd, 4004 B.C.
33.
Judaism:
Why does Shit always Happen to us?
34.
Reform
Judaism: Got any laxatives?
35.
Moonies:
Only happy Shit really Happens
36.
Wicca:
Shit is part of the Goddess, too
37.
Paganism:
Shit Happens for a variety of reasons
38.
Pantheism:
It's all a bunch of Shit
39.
Panentheism:
Shit transcends us
40.
Mysticism:
This is some weird Shit
41.
Unitarianism:
Go ahead, Shit anywhere you want
42.
Vegetarianism:
If it Shits, don't eat it
43.
Scientology:
All this Happens to be Shit
44.
Church
of the SubGenius: Shit has
happened. For $20 "Joe" will sell you a way to MAKE MONEY FROM IT.
45.
Discordianism:
Hail Shit!
46.
Seventh
Day Adventist: No Shit on Saturdays
47.
Amish:
Shit is good for the soil
48.
Stoicism:
This Shit is good enough for me
49.
Zoroastrianism:
Shit Happens half the time
50.
Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this Shit
51.
Voodoo:
Let's stick some pins in this Shit
52.
Twelve
Step Program: Shit Happens one day
at a time
53.
Environmentalism:
Shit is biodegradable
54.
New
Age: It's not Shit, it's feldspar
*thanks
to malinda willmore for passing this along